My natural inclination is to want to know all the details, to know what to anticipate and start planning away accordingly. If I am trying to discern something, I desire to “just know” and move on into whichever the ultimate direction is going to be. However, recently God has been leading me on a journey to view it more as an adventure that He is leading and in which He will reveal what I need to know, when and how I need to know it. There is purpose to the process.
As I have grown from worry to trust, I have been better positioned to surrender all the details and desire for control. This helps me to enter more fully into the present. Nonetheless, there is still a lot of reminders that I have plenty of room to continually grow in this area. Luckily, in life, there are plenty of opportunities to grow in patience.
As I prepare to give birth to my sixth baby, I am excited to finally find out whether the baby is a boy or a girl. With the exception of one baby in which we gave in to our older girls’ pleas to know in advance, my husband and I have opted to wait until delivery to find out. With each ultrasound, there is always the temptation to know in the moment.
The reasons for holding firm and still waiting have changed over time. This pregnancy, I have most appreciated and pondered the beauty of knowing that God knows so much about my baby, while I have been slowly learning over time – such as the ultrasound when the technician pointed out that the baby has hair and getting to see glimpses of the face.
Even once the waiting is over and I am holding my baby in my arms, there will be so much that is only known to God and not yet time for me to know – all those layers that will be slowly revealed to me over time. Pondering this throughout pregnancy has helped me to grow in having a greater capacity to surrender to God with a peaceful disposition.
Jesus, I trust in You.
Copyright 2021 Amanda Villagómez // Photo by Anna Hecker on Unsplash